Weird Stuff From My Grandmother's House

Snowman

Rifi — Wed, 15 Dec 2010 00:24:50 +0000
Just sitting here at the bottom of the stairs…on top of The Necronomicon.
Musket Flask

Rifi — Fri, 17 Sep 2010 21:42:14 +0000
Gives new meaning to "take a shot."


The Importance of Not Showing Off
Rifi — Tue, 03 Aug 2010 22:10:15 +0000
A conversation between guest contributor JG and her mother, May (who also happens to be a grandmother).

 






Scene: Suburbia, circa early 1980s. May has just returned home from work. A commuter, she takes the Long Island Rail Road every day. May’s teenaged daughter JG greets her at the door. 



May: You, know, there was this man on the train without a hand and it was awful! I had to hide my hands the whole way!




JG:  Why?




May:  Well, how could I flaunt my hands when he’s missing one?

         


And your little dog too…
Rifi — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 21:35:01 +0000
My grandmother’s shameless habit of dumpster diving has netted her a motley assortment of stuffed toy animals. Included in the collection is a fat duck, an eyeless teddy bear, a grotesque clown, and several dozen doggies. I assumed her new addition was stuffed. Then the little bugger bit me.






Real (and mean).





Not real (slightly less mean).

         


Say it with flowers
Rifi — Tue, 22 Jun 2010 05:40:01 +0000





This week only! Add chocolates or a vintage walker to your order for just $19.99.*


*Offer expires June 28, 2010. Not available in Minnesota or Michigan.

Snake sold separately.

         


Froggie
Rifi — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 01:04:07 +0000





Cute or creepy? Depends on how well the little bugger plays that banjo.

         


Wee Weapons
Rifi — Fri, 28 May 2010 18:18:25 +0000





In case of emergency Crusades, break glass. Also, pray for teeny, tiny opponents.

         


Peacock Fan
Rifi — Thu, 27 May 2010 03:37:26 +0000





In the days of yore, gigantic decorative fans were all the rage. This peacock-adorned beauty once cooled a family of six without breaking a sweat. Now it covers a large hole in the basement wall. 

         


Grandma’s Garden
Rifi — Tue, 25 May 2010 03:14:02 +0000





Something wicked this way comes…and lives in this disgusting, makeshift pen out back.

         


Notes on a Phone Call
Rifi — Sun, 23 May 2010 18:07:41 +0000
Gran, circa 1950





My grandmother tends to be dramatic. And she always sounds pissed off when she answers the phone.




Gran: (angry) Hello?!!




Me: Hi, Grandma. How are you?




Gran: (dismissive) Oh. You’re still alive.